Breya Rodgers - Thank You For Your Feedback

*sighhhhh*

This is from years of pain, irritation, frustration and every other emotion under the sun for myself and my disrespected Black community. As a Black woman, I’m loving the progress that’s been made in just 2 weeks or so - people are kinda, sorta starting to acknowledge our struggle. Even in 2020, I still meet people who are honestly surprised there is still discrimation and racism in our schools, workplaces and just life in general. It’s funny that people don’t think discrimation can happen to me because, “I’m different.” They say I’m not like the others. I asked them why they say this. “You’re so sweet and kind, like, you’re just not like that.” I’m only Black when they want me to be - when they want to learn to twerk or need help with our colloquialisms but not when it’s time to talk about my treatment or why I get so angry when people purposely mispronounce my 5-letter name after correcting them multiple times. There’s always sweet, little Breya and I’m not okay with that. 

I graduated from Auburn University, a predominately white institution in the deepest of the deep South. The school president recently released a statement on social media that made me cackle. It read that they are sorry to hear so many stories of discrimination and hurt from their Black students. They are finally going to start listening to us. Mhmm, sure. When I tell people I hate Auburn, people think I’m kidding. When I refuse to support their sporting events, say “War Eagle” or give my hard earned money to the alumni association, people think I’m just being cynical. In my early classes filled with unfriendly sorority girls with double names and frat boys named after nature, I never felt welcome. A teacher once blatantly told me that, I wasn’t worth the after-class effort and to just drop the class. [Side note: I didn’t drop it and managed to pass it, barely!] I’ve voiced my opinion and my experience directly to Auburn before, though. I wanted a Marketing minor to accompany my Broadcast Journalism major and to do this, I needed some sort of special request form signed. My attempts to get this form signed were met with missed scheduled appointments, closed doors and excuses. The counselor was purposely avoiding me so I was unable to get the form signed in time because she never showed and she was supposedly the only one who could sign it. I filled out a review card and emailed the counselor’s superior about my experience. I promptly received, “Thank You for Your Feedback.”

Auburn was child’s play when it came to the real world. I’ve had 6 jobs in the last 4 years. Read that again. Yeah, I’ve moved around and stuff but I moved because I felt that things were hopeless (sorry, Obamas!). I’d been repeatedly told that I shouldn't even attempt to apply for jobs because I ‘wasn’t ready’ or that I shouldn’t be in meetings if I wasn’t going to say anything (first week on the job, remember to have groundbreaking ideas okay?) All of these sort of comments happened early on in my career from entitled white men who thought I should be happy making $9 an hour with my college degree. I’d been tasked with sending emails for people or organizing papers, a job meant for executive assistants but they’d reserve it for me for the “experience.” I quit another job because my entire team was flown to New York City for a large conference except me. When I confronted my white manager about this, she claimed it was because the company didn’t have enough money for me to go. I fought back with my embarrassingly shaky, scared voice and questioned how they had over $5,000 to fly someone from California to film a video (a video series I had created, mind you) and give him a hotel room but couldn’t fund my trip at all. They were taken aback by my reaction and said that they were sorry I felt that way. I should just be happy they hired me in the Research Triangle, right? 

To their surprise, I quit and moved to Atlanta. I didn’t like Atlanta but they had way more jobs than Raleigh, NC. I turned down a job opportunity to work at Turner to work at a reputable ad agency in the city. I signed on because I got good vibes from the team and they emphasized growth and seemed to value all of their employees. I even made sure to find another Black girl to get the true tea on how the company was - she gave raving reviews so I was all in. The team I signed on with changed in a matter of 2 weeks. My new manager was another entitled white man who carried around a water bottle with Chance The Rapper’s signature 3 logo and loved to tell me about how he dated women of color before he married his white wife. He used our meeting time to talk about nonsense, like how much he liked Popeye’s chicken and when I’d try to get feedback on my work, he’d tell me it was great only to have it be shredded in meetings with the rest of the team. “That’s agency life,” he’d say. He’d conveniently leave me out of important meetings or withhold pertinent information on purpose. He was hired not because of his resume, work samples or that he had successfully managed people before, but because he was a replica of the team’s EVP. During review time, I was essentially trapped where I couldn't express my concerns to the EVP because I knew they’d have each other’s back to the end. I tried anyway. The EVP told me I was apathetic and that this was the most emotion he’d ever seen out of me. He also mentioned I wasn’t in the right profession. He took me to HR to “explore options” but I quickly learned I was about to be put on a performance improvement program and had 30 days to improve. When I questioned them about how we got here so suddenly and what I needed to improve, they repeatedly told me they already knew what was happening because my manager had spoken with them already. They began comparing me to other random Black women in the company and told me to be like them. They had grouped the handful of us in one group and I was an outlier, I wasn’t blindly following what they wanted or how they thought I should act. I was met with a wall that had been built well before me and I couldn’t take it down myself. 

I reached out to a fellow Black woman who seemed to be doing really well at the company. She kindly listened to me and told me that she’d had her own experience a few years back but she returned because they altered something for her. She told me she’d speak with the EVP and advised me to reach out to a Black lady in HR so that she can take my concerns even further. Unfortunately, the HR lady was clearly trying to keep her own job because my concerns were yet again met with “Thank You For Your Feedback.”

That was my tipping point - I was determined to do better. Determined to stay at a job for more than a year so I changed myself. I was now talkative, overly enthusiastic and willing to forget work-life balance and stay very late in the office. My boundaries were no more and I did everything I could to be well-liked. I was flown to NYC and DC to train for a new real estate tech company that was opening an office in Atlanta. I was their first marketing hire and would be helping to start the local office. I worked so incredibly hard and stretched myself so thin that I fell ill. In the midst of this, I was fired during Christmas because a white woman who didn’t even work there from the middle of Georgia simply didn’t like me. I tried my usual questioning but was told that the decision was final and my smug white manager dismissed me like I was nothing. And to make matters worse, they had already hired my replacement: an entitled white girl who couldn’t even bother to stand up to shake our hands during her interview. She didn’t even have a resume and her hair wasn’t even combed. Can you imagine if I showed up this way? HAHA! Her entitlement was blaring and yet, she was rewarded with my position that I shed blood, sweat and tears for. I emailed the half-black CEO who always claimed to have an open-door policy. He’d call everyone on their first day of work so you’d feel welcomed and like he cared about you. He didn’t, obviously. Again, I wrote a lengthy email and even attached the office opening photo so he could know exactly who I was, afro puff and all. He responded with that classic, “Thank You for Your Feedback.”

At the ripe age of 25, I created equilibreyaum. I was fed up with not being valued or even considered in the same playing field as my white peers. I refused to do the same interview dance I did for so many years. I realized that regardless of how hard I worked or changed my personality to fit their mold, that systemic racism would continue to hang over me. equilibreyaum is literally the embodiment of my peace. I can freely use my platform to say whatever I want, when I want and highlight whomever I want. It began as just a hobby but I now work with clients (in marketing - take that, Auburn!) who trust and value me. Through all of this, I want to thank the genuine people I met along the way that supported me and helped me: Dr. Overpeck, Beatrice Cherry, Shannon Hill, Janis Middleton, Jenn Van Burkleo and all others who have positively influenced me. It goes without saying how much I appreciate my family and friends, you know who you are, eqb fam! I’m the happiest and most confident I’ve ever been. I’m even proud to wear my Auburn gear now, I still don’t attend games or give money but I digress. I didn’t think I’d get here so quickly but I tear up thinking about how hard of a fight it was and how I broke free from those invisible but very present chains. My tears are no longer from frustration or pain but they are from pure happiness and peace within. I wish this for all of us.

My experience is nothing new. I’m so, so glad to see other Black people sharing their experiences in the world and workplace. We love to see it. It’s about time we stopped being dismissed. A simple black square on social media or a post saying these shady companies stand with their Black employees or the community isn’t enough. I’ll be impressed when Black voices are actually considered, valued and rewarded. I’ll be impressed when they truly listen to us as individuals and as a collective whole. From the bottom to the top, hire us, value us, trust us, respect us, encourage us, cherish us. Give us space to be ourselves and take action when we say we need it. Our feedback matters, our lives matter. Forever and always.