Leah Abrusci - Steeped in Hope

Leah Abrusci is a Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor in New York City. She is the Founder and Director of her own practice, Steeped in Hope. Below is her story.

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equilibreyaum: War Eagle, Leah! We met at Auburn University and went to the same high school, but you now live in New York City as a Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor. How do you like living and working in NYC?

Leah Abrusci: War Eagle and Go Majors! We definitely had a good stretch there of being in the same places haha. I've been in New York City for a little over five years now, which is a huge stretch for a military brat like me. I love it. It's a really vibrant city and every neighborhood has opportunities to create a sense of community which I wasn't totally expecting when I moved here. I've also found that, by and large, most native New Yorkers do not fit the cold, unfriendly, stereotype. I'm really grateful to have a great group of friends, family and neighbors. Funny enough, although, I've lived in New York for five years and I've been working this entire time, Steeped in Hope is actually the first opportunity I've had to work within the five boroughs. My other jobs were in Westchester, north of the city and in Long Island, east of the city so this is a really exciting professional move.

e: What made you want to become a Family and Marriage Counselor?

LA: I knew that I wanted to be a therapist really since the end of high school (of course I had no idea what that actually meant and thought that it entailed plan making and advice giving. **spoiler alert, it does not) and my original plan was to be a clinical psychologist. Up until the spring of my junior year of college the plan was that I would do undergrad, go straight into a clinical PhD program, be Dr. Leah. Then I was working in a lab and around a number of grad students who were on that path or a similar one and got a peek into what their day to day looked like and I started to realize that it's a LOT of research and while I like research, I didn't love it enough to dedicate 5+ years in school to it and have it be a large component of my job. So thankfully I was still in undergrad at the time and through my major, the relationship research lab I was working in (I think managing at that point?) and the practicum I had to do for my minor in community mental health I was surrounded by a lot of people who were doing some version of what I might want to do and I was able to get a tremendous amount of information and shadowing and experience in what it meant to be a practitioner at the master's level.

As far as Marriage and Family Therapy specifically versus other helping professions (mental health counseling, social work, etc), I really loved that the training and core beliefs of MFTs are systems based. We are trained to have more people in the room and to have the "problem" really not be housed in a single individual or the fault of a single individual but rather focusing on the family or couple system and the interactions within it. We work with individuals as well and even then it is still how they impact and are impacted by the systems in their life that they belong to.

e: You're the Founder and Director of Steeped in Hope. Tell me a little about your background, was opening "Steeped in Hope" always your dream?

LA: So, Steeped in Hope was launched earlier this year and if you asked me when I was in graduate school if I planned to open my own practice or have my own business, the answer would have been a Hard. No. I was a psychology major and social work minor in undergrad and then my master's is in Human Development and Family Studies with a specialization in Marriage and Family Therapy so I never took any business classes and I'm pretty risk averse just as a person so the whole idea of owning a business seemed really really scary. My original plan was to work for the government for the VA. As I mentioned earlier, I'm an army brat so I felt that that would be a great way to give back to my own community. I know a lot of people who want to return to their hometowns and give back in that way, I don't have a hometown and I always felt that the way to access my community would be through that work. What no one tells you, is that although mental health is hugely important, it's extremely difficult to get a job with that system and I couldn't get a foot in the door when I was entering the field so I had to figure out "Okay, well, what's next".

I actually started in a residential treatment center working in residential foster care for a number of years, then I moved into the private sector and was a member of a group practice while I also worked as a transition coach for families who had teens and young adults who were returning home from therapeutic boarding schools, wilderness programs, or other out of home placements, before launching Steeped in Hope. I think our dreams change as we experience life and see different opportunities and have different doors open up to us and that's really how Steeped was born. I loved the work I was doing with couples and emerging adults and I found that I really love having autonomy and flexibility to do the work the way that I want to do it.

e: Why did you decide to name your practice Steeped in Hope?

LA: I have to give all the credit to my husband for the name Steeped in Hope. We had been brainstorming names (because outside of the therapy room, I do better when I can think out loud and bounce ideas off someone), and I knew that I didn't want to use just my name in case one day I expand and bring on an associate and I didn't want to do something location based because I like the ability to potentially move it one day if need be. So I really wanted something that excluded those things but combined things I loved. And I love tea. It's part of my every day. And I had a supervisor tell me in school that, as therapists, our job is to be purveyors of hopefulness and that has really stuck with me and John was able to combine those things really beautifully. I remember I was sitting on the couch and we had listed a couple names that I didn't hate but felt kind of "meh" about and he came out of the kitchen and said "what do you think about Steeped in Hope?" and it was an immediate "THAT'S IT!"

“ I think our dreams change as we experience life and see different opportunities and have different doors open up to us and that’s really how Steeped was born.”

e: Has being married helped you navigate your clients' concerns better? Are you able to empathize with them more so?

LA: Hmm you know I don't necessarily think so but I say that with an *. I'm a firm believer that you do not have to experience what your clients are dealing with to be able to help them and to be able to connect with them. That's where training comes in. I do feel that when some clients know that I'm married that they may feel like I'm better able to readily connect with them over an issue without me even opening my mouth. So I don't really feel it from my direction toward clients but I do pick up on some of that from some clients direction toward me. I believe that one of the most powerful things about empathy is actually not having had to experience the situation to feel for it and see a world where it could be difficult, painful, or even joyous. I find that that is very validating just as humans in the world.

e: Do you believe that there's one key to a successful marriage? Please explain.
LA: Oh gosh, there's a whole keyring of keys! Haha probably some big ones though are to 1.Be kind to your partner. 2. Avoid Criticism. 3. Avoid defensiveness. (both 2 and 3 tend to lead to really terrible outcomes) and 4. When you argue with your partner, argue with them like they're someone you love.

e: Do you ever find yourself taking issues home (or into your own life) from your sessions?

LA: Sometimes, sure! More often definitely when I was working at the residential treatment center and I think that was because the issues were just so big (trauma, abuse, neglect, commercial and sexual exploitation all as somewhat of a typical client profile) and it was really hard to compartmentalize that. Now I think I do a better job of separating that out at least as far as I feel a major impact. I definitely think about my clients between sessions though and how I might approach something that came up the next time we're in the room. It helps that I have a group of amazing fellow clinicians that were former co-workers and are now dear friends that I can get peer supervision from.

e: You offer individual, family and couples therapy. How do you approach each session differently?

LA: I work from an integrative approach when it comes to therapy models, and when it comes to different types of clients (individual, family, or couple), I may work from a model that is more effective for that configuration of client. For example, with my couples and many of my individuals, I use emotionally focused therapy, whereas with my families I'll often also use structural family therapy. As far as issue to issue, I don't typically shift too much. I meet my clients where they are and work through their particular issue within the framework of the models that I use. Most importantly I would say is that idea of meeting your clients where they are. I've had clients who felt that we built rapport and were ready to dig into hard stuff within the first two sessions, alternatively I've had clients who took longer to build rapport and trust so that's where we stayed for a while. I find therapy no matter the model is finding the balance between knowing when to push and when to hold.

“The biggest I would say both challenge and success was making the mindset shift from “I’m just a therapist” to “I’m a therapist and a business owner” and to be able to stand confidently in that.”

e: How do you create a safe and confidential environment for your clients to explore their feelings, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors? Most people imagine a long sofa like in the movies but what's it really like?

LA: That's a great question! The sofa is definitely a therapist office staple haha but I have never once had a client lay down on it nor have I ever sat behind them taking notes as they've spoken like pop-culture depictions of Freud might suggest.

My current office has a sofa and then two individual chairs. I sit in one of the individual chairs and then my clients are free to either sit in the other chair or on the sofa. Oftentimes I find that people choose the sofa and especially when there is more than one person in the room, they will go to "their" side or "their spot" every time. I think that consistency helps people get into "okay this is therapy time" mode. I also will have a candle lit typically if I'm seeing people who aren't sensitive to scents. I have probably three or four plants in the room and then I'll use lamplight rather than overhead light to create a calmer, less harsh environment.

As far as confidentiality, I make sure that the limits of confidentiality are written specifically in my paperwork and I reiterate them in the first session so no one is surprised and I use a white-noise machine to provide privacy between the people in the room and those in the waiting area.

Most importantly though in creating a safe environment I feel is to create a really solid therapeutic relationship. I've done therapy in a whole host of environments less inviting and cozy than the one that I just described to you and we've been able to do really excellent work because there is a level of trust and care between the therapist and client. That is actually the number one predictor of success in therapy. You could have the most beautiful office in the world, but if, at the end of the day, your clients don't feel like sessions are supportive, that you are understanding, that you are genuine, and that you see value in them, doing the work and having people feel comfortable being vulnerable is going to be extremely difficult.

e: In your opinion, what are some elements of a successful therapy session?
LA: This is a little big tough because it does change somewhat session to session and client to client. I think the best way I can describe it is, it was successful if you feel like you got something out of it. There are a few things to look for like the elements of a good therapeutic relationship that I mentioned before, and feeling as though your therapist is hearing you and understanding you and your needs, again, the therapeutic alliance or therapeutic relationship is the number one predictor of positive outcomes in therapy.

Everything else is so small in comparison to it. When you're walking out of a session and knowing that it was successful though, it may look like the above coupled with a huge number of outcomes that flow from that. For example if at the end of session you: feel like you learned something new about yourself were able to have space held for you when you needed it are able to understand the fears and concerns that underlie the way that you and your partner argue with one another were able to share something that maybe you never had the words for before or were scared to say before had the space to talk about a subject that doesn't feel safe or comfortable to talk about it anywhere else gained a new skill.

e: How has your journey to opening Stepped in Hope been? What were the challenges/successes?

LA: It has been a learning process, for sure. Challenges were definitely learning the beginnings of marketing and what that looks like (also breaking away from the idea that you have to do and be good at ALL the things and ALL the ways of getting your name out there and adopting the idea that you can do a few of things and just learn how to do them really well). I think there have been a ton of successes. Every time a step is made, signing the agreement for office space, learning how to register the business, getting that first call from a directory profile, getting that first contact form from the website, those are all huge things and I've made it a point to celebrate every small step because it's a step further than I was a year ago. The biggest I would say both challenge and success was making the mindset shift from "I'm just a therapist" to "I'm a therapist and a business owner" and to be able to stand confidently in that.

e: What are your future plans for Steeped in Hope?
LA: I would love to one day be able to bring on an associate and provide supervision to new therapists in the field who are working toward their license. I think that being able to not only do the work with clients but also be able to train, support, and educate others to advance the field would be amazing. It's also in the plans to become self-sustaining enough to be able to provide some lower-cost therapy in order to provide greater access to services.

e: And finally, you love quiet moments with a cup of tea. What's your go-to type of tea?

LA: I do love quiet moments with a cup of tea! I have tea almost every day if not every day (sometimes multiple times a day!) and there are a few that I go for. If I'm in the mood for a real treat (basically, the ones made significantly better with half and half and sugar), I'll go for a Harney and Son's Paris blend with half and half and sugar or a good stove-top homemade masala chai (my favorite is a blend from the Chai Box, they're an Atlanta based company, if you like chai check them out). If it's later in the day or I'm on the go or don't have any milk or half and half I'll go for a peppermint herbal tea or recently I've really been loving Bigelow's Blackberry Cinnamon.

To find out more about Steeped in Hope, click here.